Somethings in life are so completely confusing that leaves me with such a level of uncertainty, that I turn my back on them. If it is not something that I can control the outcome of, it freaks me out....
All of my adult life, I have been completely afraid of commitment. Scared to take a chance on someone and give myself to them. The only successful attempts at commitments I have made, are my kids, and my job (5 years this month thank you very much). The reason behind this stems from things in my past. I don't want to go into that, its just too personal, and well, this is meant to be a positive post.
So, let me just tell you about my time in California, and the epiphany I experienced, that gives me a sense of hope for my family and I...
I am raising 2 boys to be men, on my own, and I work crazy hours. This makes dating difficult for me. Not impossible, but difficult. I am also very protective of my kids. You will not meet my kids, unless we are serious and going somewhere. There is a reason for this. They have been through a lot and I don't need to add to that. Attachment issues, they are a real thing. Mmmk?
So, I went to a wedding recently. A wedding that gave me so much hope, I could barely keep it together emotionally. I watched a single mother, (whom I am similar too) get married to the man she loves, and the wedding of her dreams. She is in her forties, and married for the first time. She married a man who accepted her, and her daughter and loves them both. He is the Dad, her daughter has waited her whole life to meet.... Seeing her marry, at the age she did, gave me hope. Seeing the love her daughter holds for the groom, showed me, that it is possible to meet a man, that is willing to love my boys and be their Dad. I needed to see this, more than I can ever efficiently express in words, needed to see this. To see a woman who never let a man into her daughter's life unless it was serious, hold off, until she found "the one" shows me, it's okay to wait. This showed me that waiting is okay. That waiting for the "right" one is not a wasted effort. This whole experience opened me up to the whole idea of marriage, and maybe, just maybe, I am worth tying myself to someone, and someone is worth tying to me and my boys, until death do us part...
So, this past week has put an end to my sarcastic remarks pertaining to marriage. I think, just maybe, I am now a believer. We will see. Only time, and fate will tell. Maybe now that I am open to the idea, fate will send me a man that is destined to be ours?...
Too cheesey? maybe. But, I don't care. I want my boys to one day be able to stand in front of a room of people we love and tell them with all the love in their heart, that they are so happy, and thankful, for the man I (eventually) found to complete our lives....
Even though it doesn't begin to touch exactly what I felt this weekend,
That is all.
Love, love, love,
De xxxx
No comments:
Post a Comment